For so long

For so long, I have been fighting myself, trying to subdue my mind and emotions to a higher state of what some may call enlightenment.

I have raised a war against my thoughts and feelings in order to transcend them and reach some sort of perfection. But little did I know, perfection was the enemy. I was convinced that I was on the right path and I would sulk whenever I couldn’t maintain a state of peace and equanimity. I would blame myself for not being “there” yet.  I had this insatiable feeling that I had to purify my mind and now in this very moment, not “now” as a continuous state but “now” as this very moment by which I’m writing these words, I have a different feeling, the feeling that I was never meant to constantly sharpen my mind and turn into some kind of a “Buddha” but that I was meant to be myself, complete with all my mind, heart and soul.

Ironically by trying to achieve that which I most longed for, I was pushing it away. The truth that I feel at this moment is that I was supposed to embrace my imperfections and humanness. As it was once said by a sage “I have been searching for truth for so long, but it was only when I gave up that I found it”.

You are free to completely be yourself. To live fully, without holding anything back, not waiting for enlightenment, or being perfect or for all the conditions to be right, but to live fully in the middle of all the imperfections and internal and external challenges as if you were already enlightened.

To fall, to rise, to learn, to speak, to be silent, to make mistakes, to achieve your ambitions, to fail, to succeed and to do it all with love, compassion, authenticity, and integrity.